Testimony of Sean “Twig” Follett

 

I’m not sure exactly how to write a testimony. I’m not religious nor do I read the bible. It always seemed that a testimony was a religious thing. But now that I ponder on it, it seems that it is just a realization and a new awakening. A self- reflection of where I was… where I am at, and how I got here.

I was born in Northern California. My mother and father divorced when I was too young to remember. I have one sibling. An older brother.

My mother re-married when I was 7. Life seemed good. We moved to a huge house in an upper class area in a town called Morgan Hill, a suburb of San Jose.

In early teens I found out that my stepfather was a child molester. I soon became one of his victims. This is around the time I lost all respect for myself. My self- esteem and self- image became very-very low. I didn’t know what to do. I became suicidal. I started to hang out with stoners at school, and was soon introduced to drugs. It seemed easy to cope and longest about reality where I as high. Drugs became my coping mechanism.

Sometime around age 15 I got the will to talk to my brother about what was goin on with my step-father. I found my brother was a victim of my step-father. My brother and I are only 2 ½ years apart in age, but we have never been real close.

Against my brother wishes, I told my mother what her husband was doing to me and my brother. Our lives crumbled down on us. I was sent to live with my real father while my mother got her life back together after a divorce I was already getting into trouble with the law. I did time in both juvenile facilities and California Youth Authorities. By the age of 18, I had tried every drug you can think of, and at one time or another, referred to it as my drug of choice. But methamphetamine ultimately became my “Soul-Mate”.

I tried to be a husband, and a father, but I could never handle it. It became my only will of survival to rob people so I could buy meth, a motel room, and prostitutes. I didn’t care about anything else. Not even myself.

Years I spent in and out of prison. I’ve spent most of my adult life behind these walls. I seemed to only wish for the respect fof imprisonment. I’d spend years in, and a few months out running and gunning from the gate until I got caught again,. It was a vicious cycle, but I never got tired of it. My lusts and desires stayed the same…

Until… I can’t even say when something just snapped… changed in my head. I feel these feelings, these emotions that I never felt before. I never knew I had. So many years and decades passed that I was numb and emotionless. I never realized that deep down underneath this callous, there’s a sensitive person.

Often I see situations on TV or read in a book and I’ll shed a tear. This is insane. This can’t be me. Loving relationships, life partners, families. People with material items. House, cars boats. People living.

I have opened my eyes, and have awakened to life. It’s not too late. I have ambition. Most of all, I do have another chance. I’ve never felt this way. I always couldn’t wait to get out and get a shot of dope and a hooker and a hooker. But this time, I want a home and a wife and a family. I’m learning, Computer Graphics and I’m doing it. Im designing T shirts and business cards, brochures and pamphlets on a computer. I’m designing a new life. A new me.

A hurt inside. Because I’ not numb anymore. I hurt because I failed my wife and children. But now I can see I can feel and I can understand. I can love myself for who I am and what I do. I can love others.

This has been my testimony.